Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mothers Day 2015. #Sigh



Mother's Day 2015.

Mother's Day. 2015.

I would be LYING if I said that Mother's Day is my favorite day of the year. It's just not.

There are SO many expectations associated with this holiday that I've lost all sight some years of what's really important. I get so caught up in all of the gift buying, dinners, cards etc. that some years I just want a BREAK from it!! I don't know why but I always seem just "mad" on this holiday. I don't deal well with pressure. I hate putting pressure on my kiddos to buy me gifts. Hate it. 

I don't give gifts good and I'm not a good gift receiver.

But hey, Let's face it. I'm BEYOND blessed that I have daughters, a son, Moms, a sister, sister-in-laws, Aunts, grandmothers and great grandmothers all here with me. And trust me, we celebrate the heck out of Mother's Day. That's just it. I'm BLESSED.

Dangit. I take Mother's Day for granted. I take my kids for granted. I take my family for granted. Dangit. Dangit. 

It's not about the gifts...I don't want gifts.

This year was a HUGE eye-opener for me. There have been some pretty stressful days at my house lately and I have cried the ugly cry all day. I realized at 4:13pm to be exact, what was really important to me. I realized that being a Mom is everything. Just everything. I realized that there are so many things that I don't do right. And then I realized that there are so many things that I do better than right. That's right...I'm bragging on my cool Mom self and I'm beating myself up at the same time. ugh.

Yuck. I hate days like this. #RealityCheck

Regardless, my kids are absolutely beautiful to me. They represent every good side of me and I can't even begin to describe that emotion. I just don't even deserve that.

I sat and watched each one of them today for hours. Hours.

I french-braided hair. I helped one get an outfit together for school tomorrow. I helped one get ready for a concert tomorrow night. I helped one brush off the nerves for volleyball tryouts. I helped one fill out some school paperwork. I helped one download some stupid music that I probably shouldn't have. But hey, it's great workout rap music so we went with it. I watched. And watched. And watched. 

Little things. But all so important to them. And to me.

I cried all morning in Church. I look like hell in this picture above. I won't edit it though. I want to remember this day forever. Ugly cry, mascara running down my face and all. 

I need to look at this to remind me of how much love is there for them. There's just so much. EVERYTHING that I do is for them. I mean EVERYTHING. 

I made a promise to myself that Mother's Day 2016 will be so different and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. No regrets. No dreading this day next year. No ugly cries.

Crazy post tonight....sometimes I just go there.

Happy Mother's Day :)