NYCMarathon...Womp Womp Womp

So the phrase "third year's a charm" CLEARLY did not work for me. Ugggghhh. 

NYC Marathon has been on the top of my running bucket list for 6 years now. I didn't apply for the first time until three years ago because I was scared to death to. Now I'm furious with myself for that. 

I even ran Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge and STILL didn't think I could run NYC. How crazy is that? Talk about messing with your brain. I'm mad that I let myself think this way. 

I'm mad because the rules have changed and you can't automatically get in after three years of trying. I'm mad because I thought for so many years that I just wasn't good enough. I'm mad because I see people posting that they got in and I know good and well 1.) They don't really even care about it. 2.) they've ran it a zillion times and take it for granted. 3.) They don't even plan on training. I can't take it!!! 

I'm just mad. 

My hubby gave me the ok to throw myself in the floor and pitch a fit. Really?!? What am I?? Three years old?? Good grief. Retail therapy tomorrow will be a better solution. 

Really I'm just going through a brief moment of insanity and I'll be back to normal soon.  It probably doesn't help that I was JUST in NYC three days ago on a trip that that I've waited my whole life for and all I could envision was how great would it be to run through this fabulous city. I'm just heartbroken that's all. And mad. 

I would love to portray having the perfect life and pretend that it doesn't bother me, but it does. Don't get me wrong, if I never got to run another race for the rest of my life, i have been blessed beyond measure and I would be happy. However, I'm still a big dreamer at heart and I'm a Marathon runner dang it. I want to run NYC. 

Insert BIG Sigh now. 

The good news is that when I put my mind to something, I don't have it in me to quit, so like it or not, I'm coming for you, NYC. It may not be this year or heck, WHO KNOWS when it will be but I WILL run it one day and when I do I'm going to fly through those city streets because I can. 

I'm not scared anymore. I'm a marathoner. But for right now, I'm a girl and I'm just mad. ;)